Stahlke Adoption

Birthdays

2012-02-02T21:25:00.003-06:00

We belong to a support organization called FRUA--Families for Russian and Ukrainian Adoption. In the Fall 2010 issue of their publication _The Family Focus_ is an excellent article by Patty Cogen titled "Whe Adopted Teens 'Fall Apart' and How to Help Them." The bulk of the piece describes brain development in teenagers, especially how the frontal lobes in charge of executive functioning are the last part of the brain to mature.

The most interesting portion of the article for us discussed the significance of major birthdays. Before we read this article, we had already celebrated Paul, Adam, and Rachel's 16th birthdays with larger gifts than usual. And next week we are hosting a birthday party with friends (the first such event for any of our children) to mark Paul's 18th. It helps to emphasize the positive at these times.

I quote from Cogen's article:

A teen's separating from parents and becoming an individual is a developmental task that takes on special meaning for adopted teens. We all need to remember that every internationally adopted child was once required to become overly mature at an extremely young age. Three celebrations evoke powerful reactions in adoptees. The first is coming of age at 16, when a young person is old enough to drive. The second is turning 18, which marks the end of required education, the start of the right to sign medical papers, and attainment of the rights of citizenship, including voting and military service. The final celebration is the 21st birthday, when a person becomes a full adult and can legally drink and buy tobacco in every state of the U.S.A.

Rx for parents:
1) Respect your teen's fears as an indication of your success in building attachment.
2) Don't push your youngster to learn to drive or to visit the doctor alone.
3) Reassure your child that he is still and always will be a person you help and protect.
4) Reassure your child she can live at home beyond age 18 or 21.

Last Dance Photo

2012-02-01T11:08:00.003-06:00

PS Rachel and Sarah added the commentary on the photo, and I haven't figured out how to get a version with it removed. Could someone advise me how to do this?

Again, Punt

2012-01-31T18:49:00.006-06:00

The story of my life right now--little bits of computer time here and there. So . . . here's another photo. Peter bows to the First Lady of Ukraine, who gazes directly at him. For more about this event, see my post on September 12, 2008.

Punt

2012-01-30T19:27:00.005-06:00

I had a long post planned for today, but I'm totally out of time. So . . . here's another photo. This is Peter dancing at age 3 or 4 when the First Lady of Ukraine visited his orphanage.

Three Years Later

2012-01-28T12:07:00.002-06:00

We've learned from several sources that adoption adjustment takes about three years to reach a new "normal." In 2008, three years after our first adoption, we started a second adjustment period with Peter and the family.

Since last October, we're now back to a new "normal." Whatever THAT is! To be honest, however, our lives are definitely calmer than a year ago, for which I'm grateful.

It's Late and I'm Tired

2012-01-26T21:37:00.004-06:00

Can't write tonight, so here's another photo. We're standing near the orphanage in 2005, with the very amazing woman who was the director. By our return visit in 2008, she had died of cancer. This lady managed a difficult job with a manner both loving and firm. She really went to bat for us, especially in court.

Like the Big Boys

2012-01-25T18:15:00.002-06:00

Peter graced us with a terrible tantrum, screaming and kicking and otherwise creating a scene.

When all was over, he turned to his dad and said, "I'm sorry. Can we talk about it?"

Be Careful What You Say

2012-01-24T17:02:00.002-06:00

Two days ago, a preschool student in Sunday School approached the rehearsal in the music room with trepidation. The prior Sunday, I had excused my rasping voice with the comment, "Sorry, I must have a frog in my throat." The poor child didn't want to risk seeing the frog, and in my mouth!

Christmas Eve

2012-01-22T19:46:00.004-06:00

Several members at our church commented positively about our processional on Christmas Eve. If you want to view it, check out the following video on YouTube. If you can't get to the video with this address, try the following entry on YouTube and click "Christmas Processional":
RevRobRogers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VACMy6K3nw8

Another Photo

2012-01-21T11:42:00.003-06:00

Found another photo that I really like, with Sarah, my dad, and me. It's from several years ago, when I could still hold Sarah in my arms. Now she's a 13-year-old young lady!

Unintentionally in Style

2012-01-20T11:35:00.002-06:00

This morning, in a hurry to leave for school, I grabbed the comb in the bathroom and pulled it through my bangs. It was immediately clear that I had just gelled my hair. Oh, well!

Windy City

2012-01-19T12:01:00.002-06:00

Chicago's nickname stems from its politicians rather than the weather. But this native Texan shivers when she reads the forecast for today and tomorrow:

Thursday
Slick travel due to light snow this morning. Becoming mostly sunny, blustery and bitterly cold. Temperatures fall to the 7 to 14-degree range, coldest of any afternoon in 11 months. Gusty northwest winds 12 to 24 mph, occasionally as high as 30 mph, drop wind chills to 5-below to 5-above zero. Bitterly cold Thursday night. Low: 0 inland; 11 Chicago lakeshore.

Friday
Winter storm potential Friday and Friday night. The area could see its biggest snow to date this season. Clouds thicken. Snow begins mid-morning then continues through the evening rush hour well into Friday night. Accumulations of 4 to 8 inches possible. Easterly winds 8 to 18 mph with some gusts.

Photo

2012-01-18T10:10:00.003-06:00

Six and a half years since the first adoption. Here's the photo taken right after our court appointment; it's one of my favorites. I may have blogged this picture already; if so, sorry for the repetition.

Dad!!!

2012-01-17T17:05:00.003-06:00

Rachel texted a request to her father. He responded "Y"

She sent back a long message explaining the reasons for her request.

He wrote back that "Y" meant "yes," not "why"

Her response: "That's old-people texting!"

Asking for Favors

2012-01-16T16:33:00.003-06:00

"Mom, can I rock tonight?"

Peter would rock himself to sleep every night, if I let him. But the motion disturbs the other boys who share his room, so I almost never let him rock. He is so insistent, however, that I finally told him he could rock once a year, on his birthday. Then he talked me into twice a year, by adding Christmas.

Christmas 2011 came and went, and he was so absorbed in the holiday that he forgot to ask for his special favor. He was distraught a day later, having missed something that he had waited months to do.

Ten days later, on Ukrainian Christmas Eve, he reminded me that it was Christmas. We had struggled so hard to get the older kids to celebrate, that I felt obligated to grant Peter the favor of rocking. At least he wanted it to be Christmas!

And again, last Thursday, he asked to rock. When I said no, he insisted that it was a very, very special day--his dad's 50th birthday. My response?

"I'll tell Dad that he can rock tonight!"

Composing

2012-01-13T13:26:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Jonathan received the lyrics for a commissioned musical work. He started to read the text, and before he had scanned two or three lines, musical ideas started flowing. He tried to keep reading, but the music chased him relentlessly. He finally gave up and jotted down the melody. By the end of the evening, with the tune completed, he had commenced work on the harmony.

Special Day

2012-01-12T17:41:00.004-06:00

Ringed by mountains, the town drew patients from miles around to the only hospital in the area. Inside, a mother nestled her newborn baby. She lay in a private room, not by her choice, but because the nurses requested it. Every time the door to her room opened, a crowd of people strained to look inside at the unusual baby. Unlike every other newborn they had ever seen, this child had red hair rather than black!

Yes, as I sit typing this story during a snowstorm, we mark 50 years ago today that Jonathan was born in Zacapa, Guatemala!

SNOW!

2012-01-11T20:13:00.002-06:00

Winter storm hitting Chicago tomorrow--first significant snow of the season. In preparation, I canceled choir and bell rehearsals. Now we're ready for the snow to fly!

Photo

2012-01-10T10:15:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty swamped right now, so here's a photo (faster than writing). It's of Jonathan in Ukraine (2008) with the national flower.

Vocal Vomit

2012-01-05T16:01:00.004-06:00

Peter was having a hard morning. I don't remember why, but a lack of good sleep probably contributed. As we rode to school, he sat in his normal position behind the driver and rhythmically slammed the seat in front of him with his foot.

"Peter, please stop kicking my chair."

He continued, muttering some very disrespectful comments. I contemplated my alternatives, since my usual method of stopping the car would make everyone late for school.

"Peter, second time, please stop kicking my chair."

To my relief, he stopped the motion. But the disrespect continued pouring from his mouth. Jonathan and I call it "vocal vomit." I was reminded how we emphasized physical behavior with the older five children and ignored their speech for a long time. Since our household language in their first months was Ukrainian, I was spared a lot of comments since I couldn't understand them.

But for several years it was all I could handle to discipline for behavior. Now, I find verbal disrespect to be a big problem that's harder to tackle because it has become engrained. But many a wise parent has reminded me to pick one's battles and not attempt everything all at once.

Back in Chicago

2012-01-04T12:04:00.002-06:00

Just returned yesterday from a trip to Austin, Texas. We took the train, which is my FAVORITE way to travel.

When I've had a chance to land, I'll get going on the blog again.

BTW, Happy New Year!

Wit

2011-12-21T12:41:00.003-06:00

This morning, Jonathan pulled the shower curtain aside to get into the tub. Perched among the shampoo bottles and lodged against the towel rack stood his vanity mirror, just at eye level. One of the kids had left it available in case he wanted to shave (!)

Then Jonathan reached down to remove the plastic container turned upside down on the bottom of the tub. When he lifted it, a large amount of water streamed out. It had been held there all night by the force of suction. We had a good laugh.

Times Have Changed

2011-12-20T12:53:00.003-06:00

The preschoolers at our church attend chapel services once a week. The girl chosen as line leader took my hand as we walked to the sacristy to collect the candle lighter. Then she and I lit the candles to mark the beginning of the service.

In my day, only boys served as acolytes. The first time I ever lit candles in church was at the initial chapel service I conducted a few years ago. Now every week, I am photographed with the preschool line leader as we light candles together.

Question

2011-12-19T09:23:00.005-06:00

Jonathan didn't get to sleep until 1:30 am. I woke at 4:00 am and eventually got out of bed to write Christmas cards. There wasn't much overlap time for the two of us!

I remember from my childhood that my dad burned the midnight oil and my mom rose before dawn. Does anyone know if this is a gender difference?

Kentucky the Cat

2011-12-15T21:49:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, Kentucky became a hunter. Jonathan heard a mouse behind some bags, and when he moved them, the creature darted quickly across the floor. But our dachsund Kentucky reacted even faster, and in a split second had caught and killed the mouse.

At least our new cat doesn't dismember his victims. I'd have a hard time with that.

Ugh!

2011-12-14T12:23:00.004-06:00

The child doesn't like his prescription eyeglasses and throws them away. We hear that they are "lost." Our insurance won't pay for a new pair for another year.

The bigger issue than the cost is the discipline.

Lucy

2011-12-13T11:59:00.012-06:00

On December 13, people in Scandinavia celebrate Santa Lucia Day. Since my 50th birthday, my interest in things Swedish has escalated, so I explored the history of this saint.

Lucia held firmly to her faith during the reign of Diocletian, when Christians in the Roman Empire were often executed for their beliefs. According to legend, she and her mother would go out at night to distribute food to persecuted Christians, carrying candles to light their way. Lucia refused to marry a non-believer, and instead gave away her dowry to the poor. Her spurned fiance turned her in to the authorities. She suffered much, including the gouging of her eyes, before being martyred in Sicily in 304 AD.

The name "Lucia" means light, and her feast day landed on the winter solstice (in past centuries when Scandinavian countries used the Julian calendar). In the dark mid-winter of Sweden, celebrations of light resonate deeply. Girls dressed in white robes, with a red sash and a crown of candles on their heads, process through the home, delivering breakfast to their parents. The event marks the beginning of the Christmas season.

The breakfast includes "Lusse-buns" made with saffron and often decorated with two raisins (for Lucia's eyes). Yesterday I drove around our area looking for saffron, which I finally found at Whole Foods. It's the most expensive spice in the world, handpicked in Spain and costing $300 per ounce. Luckily, my recipe called for only a pinch, so I got out of the store for $5.

We didn't ask our girls to wear candles on their heads, but several years ago Rachel chose a Lucia doll. Our pastor and his wife took Rachel, Sarah, and me to the American Girl store in downtown Chicago and allowed the girls to choose whichever doll they wanted. This photo of Rachel's Lucia doll was published in the _Lutheran Witness_ in 2008.

Day Off

2011-12-12T10:19:00.003-06:00

It's Monday, and I have the energy to be up and about, rather than sleeping. That's a gift!

Quiet

2011-12-11T15:14:00.002-06:00

This afternoon, I arrived at church at 2:15 pm. There was no one else in the entire building. After making preparations for the children's Christmas program, I sat at the piano in the silence. In about an hour, the room will be filled with over 400 people watching their children proclaim the Christmas story.

The hush before the event was broken by some grandparents coming early for good seats. The fun has begun . . .

A Turn of Phrase

2011-12-09T11:36:00.003-06:00

Winter arrived this morning with a white dusting and the joyful shrieks of children. Kentucky, our very short-haired dachsund, mostly dives under the covers of our bed to catch as much warmth as possible. I miss watching Dakota, a husky to his core, cavort in the first snowfall.

On rare occasion, I still hear hints of Ukrainian in the children's speech, mostly now in the words they choose. The most recent example:

"The wind today is heavy!"

Photos VI: Explanation

2011-12-08T11:06:00.009-06:00

I didn't have much time to write yesterday. Here's the explanation of David's photos:

Clothing in the orphanage was not assigned to a particular child. After a kid wore an outfit for a week, the staff washed the clothes on the weekend. Then the kids would nab their favorite items as soon as they became available. When we met David, he wore the matching pink shirt and shorts for several days. Sarah told us (quite sorely) that those were her favorites! (In Ukraine, traditional colors for boys and girls are more on the lines of dark for boys and light for girls, so the pink and blue concept was foreign to them.)

The judge assigned our court appointment for August 17, 2005, and everyone dressed up for it. The caretakers brought out the dress clothing reserved for such occasions, and the children looked very nice. But the adoption could not be finalized on August 17 (that's another long story), and we waited for hours on August 18 for documents that the judge required from Kyiv. He didn't allow faxed papers, but needed the actual documents in his hands.

At about 3:00 pm on August 18, the courier gave us the necessary papers, our facilitator telephoned the judge's office, and suddenly we had another appointment. The children were hastily plucked from their groups to get ready, but 6-year old David didn't have time to don his dress clothes. That's why our family photo, taken moments after the adoption was finalized, features David in his favorite pink shorts.

Photos VI

2011-12-07T16:43:00.004-06:00

The Feast of St. Nicholas

2011-12-06T14:11:00.003-06:00

Or more accurately, the EVE of the Feast of St. Nicholas--

With candy, fruit, and nuts in everyone's shoes.

Being a warmer fall than usual, the foods were mostly in tennis shoes, not snow boots.

The smile on Peter's face would have made St. Nicholas proud!

Photos V

2011-12-05T19:04:00.002-06:00

Sarah is 13 now, and very much the young lady. But in 2005, 7-year-old Lena looked down from the top level of a fire escape at the orphanage. This is one of my favorite photos of her. What vitality!

Photos IV

2011-12-03T15:56:00.002-06:00

Whether working at a servant event, or escorting young women at a "wedding gala" in the church basement, it's important to dress the part!

The Tin Woman

2011-12-02T14:10:00.004-06:00

A cortisone injection in the shoulder. Four Aleve tablets a day. Stretching exercises. A prescription for more physical therapy.

My joints feel well-oiled. And my spirits are lifted.

The second opinion today said no surgery for the foreseeable future!

Photos III

2011-12-01T21:26:00.007-06:00

From: Mary Stahlke
Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2011 11:43 AM
To: Stahlke, Jonathan
Subject: Question

No hurry, but what's the story behind this photo?

From: Stahlke, Jonathan
To: Mary Stahlke
Sent: Wed, Nov 30, 2011 2:40 pm
Subject: RE: Question

In the days with Peter in Kiev in 2008, while we were waiting for the flight home, we went to Independence Square where all of the street bands were, where we went in 2005 with the five other kids the night before leaving. [MS--Independence Square was the site of the Orange Revolution in 2004, when at times a million people gathered to protest.]

Peter and I went and there was a falconer. For a price, you could get a picture. For less of a price, you could get a picture on your own camera. We did it. It might even have been the day before we left, but we were down there in the evening, and this looks like daytime. After we bought the plane tickets, the day before we left, we went out for “coffee” at a nice little bakery at the top of the hill (not at the square), and then went down to the square for a little farewell thing . . . .

Photos II

2011-11-30T11:45:00.003-06:00

Until recently, I had forgotten the importance of hair care for teenage girls. Now I remember in my own teens how I brushed my hair constantly, curled and primped it, and often shook my head so it would fall nicely in place. I wasn't alone, then or now!

Photos

2011-11-29T13:03:00.003-06:00

When our kids turn 16, we give them a bigger birthday gift than normal. Last May, Adam received an all-white suit from several family members. He also loves to dance, energetically! [I don't have an actual photo of him in the suit, but here's one in all white from a few years ago:]

Not Young Anymore

2011-11-28T09:55:00.002-06:00

I've often read that older parents lack the physical stamina of younger moms and dads. Supposedly, our greater wisdom makes up for it. I'm not so sure about that!

Technology

2011-11-26T10:09:00.003-06:00

Sarah and I are sitting in the local library, within sight of each other. We've had an extended conversation via chat on Facebook. It's fun. She's sending me photos of herself to put on my computer screensaver, to join other images of family members.

When I was in high school, I joined the computer club. We had a teletype machine with no screen. My first term paper on the computer (rather than a typewriter) was in graduate school, five years later. Microsoft Windows wasn't yet available. My first laptop computer was still twenty years away.

What a change! And our kids have no idea.

Burn Out

2011-11-23T16:41:00.003-06:00

Jonathan looked very weary last night. I told him that he looked about as burned out as I've ever seen him. He looked at me, and said, "I'm not burned out; I'm broken."

Whew! I did my best today to do childcare and free him up for some time alone. I hope the Thanksgiving weekend will do him some good.

Sandwich Generation

2011-11-22T09:18:00.002-06:00

This blog gives lots of information about the generation younger than Jonathan and me. We also have parents with various health concerns.

Jonathan's father has been diagnosed recently with esophageal cancer. Yesterday we received the good news that the cancer has not yet spread, so he has the opportunity to fight it. Please keep him and Jonathan's mother in your prayers.

Reality Check

2011-11-21T09:46:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago, two of our kids refused to do their chores. Since this included laundry, among other things, Jonathan told them they'd have to wash their own clothes, on their own dime.

After one two-hour visit to the laundromat, and a whole bunch of quarters, they are now doing chores again!

Resourcefulness

2011-11-20T17:12:00.003-06:00

Jonathan's parents gave us a wonderful popcorn maker, a professional type that makes LOTS of popcorn. It works well when everyone is watching a "family movie" by DVD. But recently, only one or two kids were home, and I didn't want to crank up the big popcorn maker. Our stash of microwave popcorn was gone, and I was reluctantly pulling out a large pan, vegetable oil, and our jar of loose popcorn.

Paul told me that there was an easier way. He took a paper lunch bag and filled it with popcorn. Sealing the opening was challenging, since items that include metal (like twisties) won't work in the microwave. But he folded over the end of the bag and secured it with a toothpick threaded through the paper a couple times. It worked like a charm.

Chapel

2011-11-18T10:24:00.003-06:00

Twice a week, I lead chapel for the nursery school pupils at our church. On Tuesday, the three-year-olds come to the sanctuary for a short service, followed by the two-year-olds for a song or reading. My favorite group, however, is the four-year-old class on Friday morning. They are old enough to have interesting ideas about the stained-glass windows, which are the topic of our services.

In the middle ages, churches in Europe employed stained glass to teach Bible stories to the masses, who were illiterate. Today, the largest group of non-readers in our society is preschool students. Their lack of reliance on written words heightens their observance of images. I am often struck by their observations, which sometimes go beyond my own.

Today, we looked at a window about Jesus' role as shepherd. The image included a colorful green pasture of grass for a sheep to enjoy. I asked the class a leading question: "What do sheep eat?" Expecting "grass" as the answer, it was gratifying to hear them say instead the word "hay" and point to another window we discussed weeks ago: the Christmas image of a manger.

My Shoulder

2011-11-17T12:41:00.003-06:00

When I slammed the van door into my arm last summer, the entire accident took place in less than a second. A premonition struck me, however, that this brief event might have longer-term repercussions. I was right.

An MRI shows that one of the tendons connected to my rotator cuff was torn when I involuntarily pulled my arm away from the van door. Surgery has been delayed until after Christmas, thank goodness. But the latest estimate of recovery time until I can play organ again is three months. That's impacting Holy Week and Easter.

Besides issues at work, I also won't be driving for six weeks after surgery. And walking on ice during a Chicago winter won't be a good idea, either. Looks like my (and our family's) life will look quite different for a little while.

Different Meanings

2011-11-16T18:56:00.004-06:00

I've heard that most high-wire artists working in circuses are Ukrainians. Besides lacking a fear of heights, their skills in gymnastics are legion. Our kids also possess these abilities, and I can assure you, their genes did not come from me!

Recently the weather turned cold, and I asked one of the kids to layer their clothing. "That way you'll have the flexibility you need in the autumn. Several layers in the morning will keep you warm, while you can shed them at recess when you get hot from running around."

"Mom, I don't need more flexibility. I have enough already. I can do like fifty flips in a row!"

One of the "The Questions"

2011-11-15T11:50:00.000-06:00

"Why didn't my Ukrainian parents want me?"

More Lyrics

2011-11-14T10:51:00.004-06:00

I hear a lot of teen radio in our car. While this song has only rap for the verses, the chorus (given here) is sung with good music:

This one's for you and me,
living out our dreams
We're all right where we should be
Lift my arms out wide I open my eyes
And now all I wanna see
Is a sky full of lighters
A sky full of lighters

[a performer looking at an immense audience holding lighters]

Amazing!

2011-11-12T10:42:00.003-06:00

I just saw some photos on the internet of military dogs parachuting out of planes. Wow!

More Lyrics

2011-11-11T14:05:00.001-06:00

One of our kids told me this was their favorite song:

Refrain:
7 times 70 times
I’ll do what it takes to make it right
I thought the pain was here to stay
But forgiveness made a way
7 times 70 times
There’s healing in the air tonight
I’m reaching up to pull it down
Gonna wrap it all around

Verses:
I’ve been living in this house here
Since the day that I was born
These walls have seen me happy
But most of all they’ve seen me torn
They’ve heard the screaming matches
That made a family fall apart
They’ve had a front row seat
To the breaking of my heart

I remember running down the hallway
Playing hide-and-seek
I didn’t know that I was searching
For someone to notice me
I felt alone and undiscovered
And old enough to understand
Just when I’m s’posed to be learning to love you
Let me doubt again

I lost count of the ways you let me down
But no matter how many times you weren’t around
I’m all right now
God picked up my heart and helped me through
And shined a light on the one thing left to do
And that’s forgive you
I forgive you

Not Sticking Out

2011-11-07T19:10:00.005-06:00

When Jonathan and I taught classes in Hong Kong, the students would almost never ask questions in class. Instead, we would be swamped for ten or fifteen minutes after the period ended with multiple students verifying what we had said. We learned that saving face is a very important part of the culture. Therefore, the students wouldn't risk losing face by asking questions. In addition, they didn't want us to lose face for not having explained the concepts well enough. I'm not kidding!

No one wants to stand out. And if one person does, the rest lay low. It works that way in families, too. I'm just thankful that (most of the time) only one child demands the majority of attention.

Lifting My Spirits

2011-11-03T21:34:00.004-05:00

In Thee is gladness amid all sadness,
Jesus, sunshine of my heart.
By Thee are given the gifts of heaven,
Thou the true Redeemer art.
Our souls Thou wakest, our bonds Thou breakest;
Who trusts Thee surely has built securely;
He stands forever: Alleluia!
Our hearts are pining to see Thy shining,
Dying or living to Thee are cleaving;
Naught can us sever: Alleluia!

Since He is ours, we fear no powers,
Not of earth nor sin nor death.
He sees and blesses in worst distresses:
He can change them with a breath.
Wherefore the story tell of His glory
With hearts and voices: all heav'n rejoices
In Him forever: Alleluia!
We shout for gladness, triumph o'er sadness,
Love Him and praise Him and still shall raise Him
Glad hymns forever: Alleluia!

- Lutheran Service Book, Hymn No. 818

Sorry

2011-11-01T11:26:00.000-05:00

Too busy to write. Hope to come up for air soon.

Bad Words

2011-10-27T21:49:00.002-05:00

I've written in the past about my efforts to stamp out the words "shut up" in our household. Here's my post from November 12, 2008:

Learning (Proper) English

The din in the car overwhelmed my senses.

"BE QUIET!"

The din did not change.

"Mama, shchto ce yeh 'Be Quiet'?"

I answered Mikola with a soft "Shh" and an index finger to my lips.

"Be Quiet, Be Quiet, Be Quiet" he chanted. Then he turned to David and told him to "be quiet."

I silently rejoiced.

This phrase has special resonance in our family. I've told the children that if an entire day goes by without my hearing the words "Shut Up," then everyone gets a stick of gum the next day.

In two weeks, I've given out gum only one time.

But a few days ago, I heard Paul say "Be quiet" for the first time.

Score one for Mom!

A few days ago, one of the kids had to tell me something that was obviously very important. The child explained that they had overheard an adult using the "s" word.

"And Mom, it was NOT 'shut-up'!"

Singing

2011-10-25T13:02:00.003-05:00

Along with rocking, Peter often sings or chants as a self-soothing device. While he has permission to sing in the car when he's alone with me, I explained that singing at night wakes up his brothers, who all share the same bedroom.

"Mom, why would my singing bother them? Parents sing lullabies to babies to help them sleep, right?"

A Father's Response

2011-10-24T10:04:00.009-05:00

Thanks for the information. He’s not in trouble with us either over rocking,
although when I see him do it, I always ask him to stop or touch his shoulder gently or rub his head a little. It IS a sign of distress, and it is one way that we know when he has more than he can handle on his plate.

Peter came to us with a very strong case of rocking, mostly at night in order to get himself to fall asleep. We curtailed it for two reasons. 1. It seems so unusual(the rocking was extremely aggressive at the beginning) that we wanted to give him the best reception among friends and family. 2. It would wake up his brothers in the bedroom when he would start.

It also works to ask him what he’s thinking about or what is happening later in the day. I’m curious as to whether he was rocking during math. This last week he becomes infuriated and frustrated with himself if I ever tell him that one (or more) of the math problems on the homework have to be re-done or are incorrect. Math has been relatively easy for him lately, so he has an expectation that it is mindless activity and that he can toss it off quickly. For some reason, it really bothers him to be corrected in anything right now, so he has been sent away from the dinner table very regularly for not being able to handle a directive like, “Don’t pick up the food with your hands,” or “You need to keep your elbows in so that you don’t touch the people next to you.”

Please stay in touch about this. I think it’s good practice to ask him what’s on his mind, and (if you’re comfortable doing so) to tell him to “sit quietly, please.” But, let your classroom be whatever you are comfortable with. The behavior is only an indicator of deeper issues, of course.

Many, many thanks!

Jonathan Stahlke

A Teacher's Concern

2011-10-21T16:40:00.000-05:00

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Stahlke.
I am writing because I have noticed Peter rocking back and forth a lot in class. This is NOT creating any disturbances or anything like that, so please do not think he is in trouble. I am only bringing it up because I wonder if it is in response to something that is bothering him emotionally. Again, there is not an issue with it in terms of disturbance or behavior, I just wanted to make sure he's OK. Thanks!

Technicolor

2011-10-20T21:48:00.004-05:00

Our weather is getting older, and the first freeze is on its way. I pulled out one of my favorite jackets, constructed of multiple strips of colorful Guatemalan fabric.

Peter greeted me after school with a "Hi, Joseph!" At first I wondered if he was referring to Mary and Joseph part in the Christmas story, but at my quizzical look, he exclaimed, "Your coat!!"

What a Concept!

2011-10-18T19:27:00.001-05:00

"Mom, I wish shadows had color!"

Promoting Peace

2011-10-17T09:53:00.001-05:00

Eight tubes of toothpaste on sale at Walgreens.

Thank the Lord

2011-10-14T10:42:00.004-05:00

Our tax accountant called yesterday with wonderful news. He thinks that in the next few months the IRS will waive the large penalty and give us a refund instead. Whew! Your prayers are much, much appreciated.

High School Fun

2011-10-12T09:25:00.003-05:00

In the midst of a whirlwind weekend, a few wonderful scenes come to mind. Walther High School celebrated homecoming on Saturday, and Rachel and Paul participated as cheerleader and football player, respectively. Rachel's squad danced at half-time, and Paul served as the team's only kicker. One of his field goals sailed straight through the goal posts, over the score board and fence, and landed in the street next to the field. What a kick!

Columbus Day Sneak

2011-10-11T20:04:00.002-05:00

In 2005, the kids had been here for about six weeks when we got a notice from the elementary school. There would be early release that Thursday, with parent/teacher conferences on Friday (therefore no classes), and a holiday on Monday for Columbus Day. We just groaned--an unexpected five-day weekend with no advance time to plan for extra child care. In addition, Concordia still held classes Monday, so Jonathan wasn't available to help.

Six years later, we at least expect this "fall break" for the kids. But whoever told the IRS to time our audit for Columbus Day weekend was just plain mean!

I AM EXHAUSTED.

Extreme

2011-10-10T18:48:00.013-05:00

I heard last Friday at noon that the IRS needed all our adoption receipts (2005-2010) for an audit. Our tax accountant's deadline to receive these documents was this morning at 8:00 am. Besides the inevitable problems of a filing system disrupted by the kids' arrival in our lives, I also had to deal with receipts in Cyrillic and conversions with exchange rates from prior years.

After working most of the weekend, I finished gathering what I could still find by Monday morning at 2:00 am. Even with no traffic, it took an hour to drive the documents to St. Charles, Illinois, and leave them in the accountant's lock box near their outside office door. At 3:00 am, in a dark parking lot, I discovered that the lock box was designed for letters, not five large manila envelopes with wads of receipts and financial statements. By removing the larger black clips that were holding papers together, I could with difficulty stuff each envelope into the box. The last one wouldn't fit, but by reaching my fingers in and shifting the contents, the final envelope mostly entered the box.

I drove back to Forest Park, listening to my Swedish murder mystery on the CD player. At home by 4:00 am, I crawled into bed with my injured arm propped up on pillows and collapsed until the 8:00 alarm started ringing. It was now Columbus Day, and all the kids were off school. Jonathan, of course, had a day of classes to teach!

Serendipity

2011-10-06T10:56:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Jonathan enjoyed a little down time while he waited for one of the kids to finish therapy. His cell phone rang with a request from a different child's counselor. Jonathan chuckled and told the man that they might as well speak in person. After all, the two of them were sitting only 15 feet apart from each other, albeit with a few walls between them!

Suspense

2011-10-05T12:19:00.002-05:00

Our kids sat at the dining table caricaturing various people they knew. The entire family was included in the roast, and as they worked their way toward my name, I cringed a little wondering what my "typical words" would be.

Imagine my relief when, at my turn, they all started humming.

Endurance Race

2011-10-02T06:41:00.000-05:00

Most people look forward to Saturday.

It's Alive

2011-09-30T13:35:00.002-05:00

This morning, our radiators were warm. At least this year, it wasn't such a shock . . .

We bought the house in August 1999, after it had sat vacant for over a year. At the time it was just shy of 100 years old. In the basement sat the original boiler, converted from coal to gas back around 1910. The term around here for these monsters is the "octopus." My mother calls it the "sculpture."

Fully expecting that the heating system wouldn't work, Jonathan and I researched firms that could give us an assessment of its condition. But moving into a new/old house was time-consuming, and that item on the to-do list didn't happen. Imagine our great surprise one September morning to wake up and feel heat in the radiators! We hadn't lighted a pilot, flipped a switch, set the thermostat, or done absolutely anything.

Now it's 2011 and the heating system continues working fine. In fact, it's quite reliable and even functions when the electricity is out. We've been told that when it finally breaks, there are no replacement parts available. But there are also no moving parts that can malfunction. And even though everyone tells us the old boilers are less efficient, our heating bills are not high by Chicago standards. The house was well-built to hold heat, with radiators in front of windows, and only two windows upstairs from which heat can escape.

Sometimes the old technology really is better.

Bittersweet

2011-09-29T11:19:00.002-05:00

In Texas, spring always ranked as my favorite season. The new flowers with their colors made everything fresh and beautiful. Until my mid-30s, Texas was home.

Chicago's best season is fall. The trees sport their reds, yellows, and oranges, and the weather remains mostly mild and dry. The dropping of the leaves portends winter, however, which is extreme here. It's a mental disconnect for me to switch my allegiance from spring to fall, but it's definite that weather conditions here are pretty good right now.

Going Once, Going Twice

2011-09-27T19:50:00.004-05:00

Sarah's class includes two girls that she counts as good friends. Their names (as a pair) are amazing--Halie and Bailey. At least the spelling isn't the same!

I thought this set of names was pretty unique, but then Peter came home from school with the news that his social worker Ms. Suarez was being joined by a new ESL instructor. So . . . the two women with whom he does pullout classes are Mss. Suarez and Torres. He and I chuckled about that one.

Humor

2011-09-26T10:36:00.002-05:00

A friend gave Kentucky a large toy that looks remarkably like him. The brown stuffed dog is not that much smaller in size and almost the same color. He drags it around everywhere, and chews on it a lot.

Last summer, our quiet nephew observed Kentucky with his toy, and had only one comment:
"Cannibal!"

Battle of the Eggs

2011-09-24T13:46:00.009-05:00

For growing kids, eggs provide a cheap source of protein, and we serve them every day for breakfast. I buy in bulk, about 15 dozen for $25. We vary the cooking method as we can, but scrambled are the fastest and most favored by the majority of kids.

Peter, however, dislikes scrambled eggs--intensely. We don't give him very many, but we require that he eat at least some. He's gotten very creative with disposing of them. When Kentucky sits only at Peter's chair and nowhere else, we know to put the dog outside during breakfast. If we leave the table, even briefly, it helps to check the trashcan, as well as what's wrapped inside the discarded napkins on the table.

Yesterday, we served scrambled eggs in tortillas. Peter finished his eggs more quickly than usual, so I thought we had finally found a way that he would eat them. After school, however, Kentucky planted himself at the radiator and wouldn't budge. Jonathan took a yardstick to swipe out all the dust, and socks, and papers. Included in the mess was a wrapped tortilla filled with eggs.

Looks like Kentucky wasn't quite as helpful to Peter this time!

Anniversary

2011-09-23T13:30:00.002-05:00

Three years ago today, we adopted Peter. Sept. 23 is the day Jonathan and I stood before the judge and he declared Peter our son and we his parents. For the other five children, our anniversary is August 18, when we all gathered in a courtroom for the same pronouncement.

On Sunday, we will celebrate both events by spending the afternoon at a state park near Chicago. This location provides opportunities for fishing, hiking, grilling, and just plain relaxing.

Four-Letter Words

2011-09-22T12:28:00.004-05:00

One of our kids has a big project due on Friday. To make it more manageable, the teacher provided topics and gave the kids free reign in presentation. Power point, speech, display board, acted drama--anything is possible. All the topics relate to the Greek and Roman empires, as a review of material covered last school year.

The topic that our child received is "VIDO." An internet search yielded the information that Vido is a very small island near the Greek city of Corfu. The whole library trip and attendant internet research led to quite a disagreement. Too much noise in the Concordia library, too many protestations, pleading to do Facebook instead, etc. Mom was not pleased.

Jonathan tackled the problem today. He ascertained that the spelling of this four-letter word was not "Vido" but "Ovid." Now THAT makes a difference!

Kaennchens for Two

2011-09-21T19:37:00.004-05:00

Peter's tantrums (aka rages) have resumed. Pretty much once a day during the last week. He's been on medication for this problem, and his latest growth spurt means that the dosage needs increasing. We're on it, but there's always some lag time.

The tantrums are very wearing on my nerves, making me very cross with everyone last Monday night. Jonathan could have gotten angry with me, but he is a wise man. Instead, he asked me out on a date.

We met on Tuesday from 1:30 - 2:30 pm at the Sugar Fixe coffee shop. Besides sharing a slice of flourless chocolate cake, we each drank a European-style Kaennchen (jug) of coffee. It comes on a tray with cream and a glass of cold water.

It was wonderful to have some time to enjoy each other's company. And what did we talk about? The kids, of course!

Dislocation

2011-09-20T19:46:00.002-05:00

Several of you have asked how my shoulder is faring. In a few days, I will finish my fourth week of physical therapy. The doctor told me that if the shoulder was still painful after completion of PT, I should return for an MRI and possible surgery.

My arm is stronger, and I'm able to do more with it. Piano playing is possible, however, only if I play the instrument like an organ and not a piano. The pain is better, but still there.

Looks like I need another appointment with the orthopedist.

Cell Phone

2011-09-15T12:40:00.002-05:00

A good friend loaned us one of their old cell phones, and last night Verizon activated my phone number onto it. So if you need to telephone me, I'm now reachable again by cell phone.

Perfect

2011-09-13T12:27:00.002-05:00

Paul kicks for his football team, with a technique honed from years of soccer in Ukraine. In Chicago, however, he and Adam have shunned soccer for other sports, even though they are both quite gifted at it. Like many other immigrants from centuries past, they want to fit into their new culture and leave the old one behind. So Paul plays American football at Walther Lutheran High School, where Adam went out for cross-country and Rachel is cheerleading.

Besides sports, another chapter in high school life is clothing. It's certainly a different type of struggle between what sons want to wear compared to daughters. But that's another story . . . . Walther recently tightened their dress code in response to students texting friends during class. Loose-fitting hoodies and several other types of clothing are no longer allowed. Our kids really chafe under these rules.

Last night, we caught up with an exchange student who lived with our neighbors during the 2003/04 school year. Now Rudo was bringing his father from Slovakia to the U.S. to vacation here and see the places he had enjoyed. Back in 2003 at age 18, Rudo had attended Walther, so he knew our kids' school quite well.

"I hate Walther!" Adam exclaimed, during the conversation. "Especially the dress code." Rudo responded, "Oh, the dress code was ok. In Slovakia, every school has a dress code. What bothered me was that Walther didn't have a soccer team."

I couldn't have scripted it better myself!

Assimilation

2011-09-12T14:15:00.004-05:00

Last Saturday, our church celebrated the 100th anniversary of the English District with a wonderful meal based on a German Oktoberfest. Adults cooked for the event, and the youth helped serve and clean up.

At the tables, someone asked our pastor, "What ever happened to those foreign kids--the ones from Russia?"

Pastor Rogers looked up. "Well, the oldest one is in the kitchen helping my son run the dishwasher." He pointed across the room. "Over there are several more of the Stahlke kids." Then he smiled and told the guest, "And one of them just refilled your coffee cup!"

Anniversary

2011-09-11T10:18:00.005-05:00

In our family, the word "anniversary" usually means August 18 and September 23. These are adoption anniversaries for the older five (August 18) and Peter (September 23), as well as our wedding anniversary (August 18). So the idea of a September 11 anniversary didn't make much sense to some of our kids. They thought anniversaries were for joyful events, not difficult ones. We explained that the word calls us to remembrance of a past event.

The tenth anniversary of 9-11 lands on a Sunday, and the Scripture readings were chosen years before the events in New York, Virginia, Pennsylvania, and the wars of the last decade. It's no coincidence, however, that the readings are so significant for the occasion. To learn more, see the readings in our bulletin, and also our pastor's sermon:

http://www.trinitylutheranvp.com/church-bulletin.html

http://www.trinitylutheranvp.com/docs/9-11-11Pentecost%2013-1.pdf

Corrections Made

2011-09-08T21:33:00.004-05:00

I'm going to stick to the old interface for blogger, which made it easy to fix my post from last Tuesday. Guess I'm showing my age, wanting technology to slow down.

As we waited to start our staff meeting yesterday, a mother described her child's first computer class as a freshman in college. The students worked through several typical computer tasks--formatting a document, creating a spreadsheet, sending an attachment with an Email message, etc. The daughter texted her mother for advice on sending an Email, since she had no experience doing so. Who needs Email when you have Facebook?

Apologies

2011-09-06T14:38:00.002-05:00

Blogger has started a new interface, and the formatting didn't work correctly. Sorry for the absence of paragraph breaks in my previous post. It's time to pick Peter up from school, so I'll work on fixing it tomorrow.

LaBBBBRRRRR Day

2011-09-06T14:23:00.005-05:00

Paul had football practice yesterday, but the rest of us spent the day at Lake Michigan. The wind blew so hard we couldn't wear hats, and the waves crashed with great drama. A few of us walked along the beach, since swimming was prohibited due to the rough water. Wading actually felt warm in comparison to the air. It was a beautiful, crisp day following last Friday's record heat and humidity.

I left my purse at home, but had thrown a few necessary items into a large blue book bag. At the beach, a family member was always sitting with our things, but the thief was wily and took my bag without anyone noticing. When we left for lunch, the loss became evident. Even though the kids and I searched every trashcan and all the bushes in the area, nothing showed up. But then Jonathan got a phone call that someone had found my belongings in Greektown, about two miles away.

We jumped in the car and met the callers, who handed me my blue bag. Several items, valuable only to me, still remained inside. The best recoveries were my driver's license and calendar. What a relief. Several of us searched the area where the bag was found, and several more items showed up, all strewn across a lonely section of dirt under the "L" tracks. Another find that pleased me no end was my ring of house keys. All there, that is, except the skeleton key to our house. A nearby police officer told me, however, that the thief probably took the skeleton key as a memento (since it's old). He/she left behind my license and calendar, both containing the house address, and the cop said they wouldn't likely have taken the time to write down the address.

My total losses added up to the skeleton key, two pairs of athletic socks, and my (2-1/2 year old) cell phone. I gained back far more than I ever imagined possible--calendar, driver's license, car keys, most of my house and church keys, and even the book I just bought on touring Sweden (it's never too soon to prepare for that future trip I want to take!). The children learned about being a theft victim, and I will definitely be more careful the next time we head to a public place.

Passing the Buck

2011-09-02T18:59:00.002-05:00

Last night, our music season at church kicked off with a party for the adult musicians. When I told Peter about the upcoming activities, I described the room where we would eat:

“As you walk in, Christmas music is playing over the speakers and the tables are decked with holiday colors [striped red and white this year]."

“Mom, that’s weird. It’s HOT outside!”

“After eating, we assemble in the music room to sing Christmas music. After a while, we switch over to Easter music.”

His indignation heightened. “Mom, Easter is NEXT YEAR!!” His sense of liturgical timing had been assaulted.

“Peter, everyone likes to sing Easter hymns. Let’s sing one right now.“

We belted out the first verse of “Jesus Christ is Risen Today,” which he sang with great gusto.

“Peter, I saw you smile as you sang that song! It is fun, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but Mom, it’s still a weird idea. Celebrating Christmas and Easter, now?”

“Actually, Peter, it wasn’t my idea. I heard about this kind of party from . . . Pastor!”

A Happy Moment

2011-08-30T21:14:00.005-05:00

I looked up and saw Sarah helping Peter swim across the pool. She held him carefully as his arms stroked and his legs kicked, and he made wonderful progress through the water. When they both reached the side, I caught her attention and told her, "What a great big sister you are!" The smile that flashed across her face was so genuine; what a joy!

Two Punches

2011-08-29T12:30:00.002-05:00

My parents now live in the DC area near my sister and her family. They all dealt with an earthquake on Tuesday followed by a hurricane over the weekend. Pretty incredible to experience both events in a single week!

Lesson for Mom (and the Child)

2011-08-28T12:38:00.005-05:00

Kids do things that wouldn't even cross my mind, although they make sense if you consider their experience and perspective.

Two weeks ago, one of them rode in the car for several hours, attending medical appointments for other children. To reward her patience with the run-around, I told her she could listen to the radio in the car while the rest of us waited in the doctor's office. The neighborhood was very safe, the office was close to the building door, and the appointment was supposed to be short.

After everyone made the obligatory bathroom stop, I handed her the keys and she returned to the car for her "radio time." When we came back to the parking lot 30 minutes later, she had turned the ignition on to activate the radio, and the car had been idling the entire time!

I had neglected to explain that one rotates the key towards (not away) from the driver to get power for the radio. Won't forget that one again!

Kidspeak Defined

2011-08-26T14:05:00.002-05:00

dude, as in "Hey, dude" when calling to someone.

cami and skort, which are clothing items, the cami being especially ubiquitous

abc order, a clearer directive than the "alphabetical order" used in my day

sloppy copy, a much more colorful term than "rough draft"!

Kidspeak

2011-08-25T21:36:00.001-05:00

dude

cami and skort

abc order

sloppy copy

A "Night" Out

2011-08-24T19:15:00.002-05:00

To celebrate the beginning of the school year, Jonathan and I went out on a date. As usual, it took place during the school day. We enjoyed a Dutch fruit bowl at our favorite pancake restaurant and talked about, what else?, the kids!

Happy Dance

2011-08-23T11:04:00.002-05:00

They're all in school again!

(Six hours of off time during the school day helps me regroup for parenting in the afternoons and evenings.)

Countdown

2011-08-22T10:53:00.000-05:00

Last Wednesday--three of them started
Today--two more

Closed Reduction

2011-08-02T22:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm one of the lucky ones for whom closed reduction (with lots of ibuprofin) is not painful. What a relief! I had worried all weekend about Monday's procedure. The doctor put a lot of pressure on my elbow (in the direction of my shoulder), and on the second attempt a very audible click sounded. I had a similar appointment this morning, and the final visit is tomorrow.

Between treatments, I'm wearing a sling to keep my arm somewhat still and to avoid the pull of gravity on the joint. That will allow the ligaments, tendons, and muscles to heal, and hopefully keep the bone in the correct place.

My shoulder doesn't hurt as much, but I can't tell yet if the improvement is from the restriction of motion or the reduction itself. I should know more tomorrow.

Snafus

2011-07-31T15:26:00.010-05:00

1. The first year A.K. (after kids), Jonathan and I often showed the wear and tear of parenthood in the morning, especially during preparation time for breakfast. One morning, he almost tossed the eggshells in the clothes bin, and I came close to throwing dirty socks in the trashcan.

2. Years later, I'm known at church as the person who loses keys. Our youth director has assured me that the problem is not memory loss, but rather the overwhelming stimuli of motherhood. That was the issue about a year ago, when I was helping cook a meal for the youth at our church. I threw my purse on the table, and in the rush to cook tossed my keys into the purse's side pocket. Later, I couldn't find my keys and didn't remember where I had left them. After looking for the better part of an hour, I gave up for the night. The next morning, there was a message on my phone. The other woman who had cooked for the youth also had a black purse, and it had been sitting next to mine. She found my keys in the side pocket of her purse!

3. On Monday three weeks ago, Kola finished his day of summer school, and I picked him up in our van. Standing at the side door, I put my right hand on the top of the vehicle, reached for the sliding door, and pulled it hard. Unfortunately, my hand was not actually on top of the van, but rather resting on the headrest of the interior passenger seat. The door hit my forearm very hard, leaving a nasty bruise within the hour. The arm healed within a few days, however, and I didn't think twice about it.

Over the next few days, I did a lot of weeding in the yard, using my right arm to pry out the weeds with a dandelion puller. I must have overdone the weeding, for my shoulder ached every evening. By the following Sunday, I had to take a double dose of Aleve to get through my piano-playing for church. Jonathan was the first to realize that my injury came from the van door, not the weeds.

Well, it's been three weeks now, and my shoulder still aches, sometimes pretty badly. I finally saw a doctor last Thursday, who diagnosed a partial dislocation (subluxation) of my shoulder. It won't improve until the arm is reset (closed reduction), which will happen tomorrow. I'm ready to feel better, but I did become concerned when the doctor said the procedure would make me "call out for my ancestors"!

Harry Potter

2011-07-30T20:42:00.003-05:00

We still laugh that Kola won tickets to a Harry Potter movie without knowing who Harry Potter is! From my blog on 7/15/99:

"Mom, what is 'heh-ree pah-tuh'?"
"Kola, he's a boy, and that's his name."
"What is 'pah-tuh'?"
"That's his last name. You are Peter Stahlke, and he is Harry Potter."

Kola had picked up these two words from a lively discussion at the supper table last night. He's a rare child not to know about today's premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. So when our library sponsored a "theater evening" last night to celebrate the premiere, we allowed Kola to attend even though the event started at his bedtime.

As I waited in the library near the party room, one of the librarians rushed out excitedly to tell me that Kola had won the drawing for tickets to the movie! He received four tickets, and Jonathan bought four more within the hour. Kola is going to his first Harry Potter movie, and the whole family is attending our first opening-night movie!

Today we saw the last of the Harry Potter films. Kola sat on my lap the entire time, which I understand. It was pretty intense, and very, very good. But after two hours of holding him, my arms were getting numb and I let them drop to my side. He reached down and folded them around himself again.

Lyrics

2011-07-29T18:26:00.002-05:00

I hear a lot of rap in the car with the kids, but one particular line really caught my attention today:

"My heart is beating like mace."

My Dear One

2011-07-28T13:00:00.002-05:00

I lost my Dakota two months ago today.
For many years, God blessed me with a wonderful friend.

Improvisation

2011-07-27T23:52:00.004-05:00

Uncle Tim came to the rescue. We had bought ingredients for s'mores but didn't use them while camping. When it came time yesterday for afternoon snack, the only things in the house were marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers. We were preparing to eat the s'mores with cold, hard marshmallows when Tim pulled out his culinary blowtorch. Worked like a charm, and the kids loved both the food and the show!